MY FEET HURTS

:c 'nuf said. sob sob sob.

i don't want to write ANYTHING cuz my feet hurts.

sib sob sob. :'c

Ugh

I can't sleep. Must be the last line you told me this morning.

You asked me: "how will you prove to me that ur real and ur not fakin."

Fakin wat?

Emotions?

I won't benefit from staying and being kind to you.
Tas bakit kelangan kong sabihin sa yo lahat? Para ano? Para saktan ka?
Ako nga yung nasasaktan ngayon hindi naman ikaw eh.
Hell. Why'd you even ask that question? You just keep dragging me back to you.

You know I'm tied to you.
I pray hard to God every ight to give me strength to leave you
Or something that would happen in our lives para magkahiwalay na ung paths natin.
Para hindi na tayo nahihirapan.

I'm happy for the times that I'm nummmmbbbbb and devoid of feelings.
Apathy ends everything.

Pero isang line lang galing sa 'yo... Nawawala lahat bigla.
Balik lahat ng emosyon.

I wish I'd always be numb until the right time comes.

Hayyy......................
Damn seredipity.
Damn destiny.

Sleep

I plan to sleep all afternoon because my head really hurts. I slept at around 8:30 pm and woke up at 12:40 am this morning. I need to cook for 8 people this morning since they're gonna use our house as pitstop from their trip to Pangasinan. It's a sort-of compromise or bargain for the driver's effort to drop off my mom from Balayan. So what did my mom do in Balayan? Weelll.... She was sick right? Well, apparently yesterday she was feeling a-ok and decided to go with my aunt to visit my auntie's in-law's house in Balayan. I can't hold her back, so ayun she went. She's not sick na naman, so I guess it's not appendicitis (like those freaking doctors in Perpetual suspected) but I guess she had a case of over-production of acid mixed with hysteria and paranoia. You know my mom... Ever since she enrolled to that Medical Transcription class in Perpetual, she became this paranoid middle aged woman. She learned all this diseases kasi so whenever she feels something funny inside of her, consult siya agad sa Medical Dictionary, titingnan ang symptoms at kapag nag-match... Voila! Alam na niya yung sakit niya even if the symptoms are brought by fear and imagination. It's a bit annoying especially to me, an aspiring doctor. Not because you experience this kind of symptom that doesn't mean na yun nga yung sakit mo. Sometimes, my mga sakit na nag-ooverlap yung symptoms, and it's really best to go to the hospital para ma-eliminate yung other possibilities. Pero ayaw makinig sa akin. Hay. She once thought that she has Chlamydia when in fact, she just have UTI. Hay. It's so hard to raise parents these days. Tsk tsk...

E-vents

I just got home from my hell toxic day. I'm gonna give you a quick recap of what happened to me this day.

So this morning..

At 'round 11 am I arrived at Pedro Gil to print a copy of pur thesis proposal.
Sa may Anglo ako nagpaprint always dahil 2 pesos lang per page yung print nila. Kaso, it seems na paubos na yung ink ng printer nila, kaya mukhang xerox copy na yung pinaprint ko. Badtrip. Pero ndi pa yun eh, while I was getting my diskette from my bag, napatingin ako sa may monitor nung "attendant" dun. Lo and behold, ako ay labis na naguluhan, natorete, nawindang at nandiri sa nakita ko.


Ano kaya ang nakita ni Abi??


Poor quality image na porno vid lang naman.. Ayoko ng i-elaborate kung ano yung nakita ko, dahil sa mga konserbatibong tulad ko (ahem, konserbatibo ako kahit pa nabibilang ako sa Bio batch 2006) eh baka ipa-ban niyo pa itong blog ko. Hahahahaha. So much for being clean, unscathed and virginal (eyes). Tas nakita nung mama na nakatingin ako so dali-dali niyang pinatay (oi bakit kaya ako nakatingin?). So akala niyo tapos na yun. Ay dyan kayo maling-mali. Dahil habang pini-print na niya yung mga dokumento ko, aba! Muli niya binuhay ang porno na pinapanood niya. Matagal pa a! Hindi ilang seconds... Minutes! Sleazy computer shop! Kaya kayo na asa may area ng Pedro Gil at Padre Faura, wag kayong magpapaprint doon sa may Anglo! Panget na nga 'yung quality ng printing, may libre pang porn show!

After being baptized sa makamundong bagay, nagtungo ako sa school para i-file ang nakatengga ko ng application for graduation. Napilitan nga akong gamitin yung 2 x 2 na galing sa studio kasi naman, sa sobrang deliquente ko eh ndi ako nakapag-papicture picture. Haha. Ayun. Buti na lang sandali lang yun. Ayun, tas after nun, kinuha ko na yung shirt ng org (tsk tsk, paano ko pa magagamit yun? Last duty ko pa naman na nung enrollment!) Hay, tas nagpunta ako sa Rob para kumain...

So ngayong tanghali...

Sa may Casa Ilongga ako kumain (sa may Robinson's food court) dahil natatakam ako sa crablets. Kaso, walang crablets! Badtrip. Napilitan tuloy akong umorder ng iba. Ok lang naman dahil masarap yung gulay. :) Hehe. So dahil lonely, i'm miss lonely ako, mag-isa lang akong kumain. Huhuhu. Wala naman kasi talaga akong pasok ngayon eh. :( Ayun, tas kalagitnaan ng pag-iyak (joke) at pagkain ko, may mama na may dalang plastic bag ng mga laruan ang nagsalita: "May nakaupo ba dito?" Tas ako naman: "Wala po." Sabay tungo at binilisan ko ang subo ng pagkain. Kesehodang mamualan na ako, nagmadali talaga akong kumain. Hindi kasi applicable sa akin 'yung ever famous quote sa mga food court na: "Share a seat, Win a friend." Pero kahit anong bilis ko mang lumafang, naabutan pa ako nung mama. Magkatapat kaming kumain, ang ulam ata niya kaldereta saka mushroom soup. So naalarma na ako, todo bilis na ako, as in full speed ng pagkain. Ayun. Natapos ako, uminom ng tubig, tuloy layas.

Huhuhuhu. :( Lonely, I'm miss lonely.....!!!

Skip na natin yung pagpunta ko sa Diliman dahil wala namang magandang nangyari dun kung hindi problema. Hay.

Ayun. So nung nakasakay na ako ng jeep pauwi, may nakasabay ako na cute. Hindi super pretty boy, pero swak dun sa type kong guy. Malinis. Tas ang ganda pa ng smile. Hay. Fafa. Chem major ata yun. Hay... :) Fafa chem!!! So ayan, may bagong reason ka na Abi para magpunta lagi sa Diliman. Mang-stalk! Hahahaha!!!!! Loser! Amf! L:-)

Yung nasakyan kong bus pauwi, graba! Muntik na akong atakihin sa puso! Dahil sa sobrang biliis niyang magpatakbo, feeling ko na-break na niya yung sound barrier! Kung may bullet train, siya bullet bus! Grabe talaga. Natatakot na nga ako kasi nag-sslide na yung silya ko everytime na nagbbreak yung driver. Basta ng bilis bilis billlliiiiiiiiiiiis niyang mag-drive! Kaya kayo, kung nagmamadali kayo, sumakay sa PAMANA Express (Byaheng Fairview - Baclaran), matutuklap yung mukha niyo sa bilis ng bus na yun.

Ilang minuto ang nakakalipas...

Noong nakasakay na ako sa jeep papuntang Alabang (galing Baclaran). Aba may warlang babae na nakaupo sa harap. Tawa ng tawa mag-isa tas sumisimangot, basta di mo maintindihan yung mukha niya. Natatawa na nga ako habang pinapanood ko siya sa may side mirror nung jeep eh. Warlang babae, nawawala pala siya. May imemeet ata dito sa may Las Pinas, eh mukhang hindi pa siya nakakapunta dito sa area namin kaya tawag ng tawag siya sa celphone niya. Ayun. Sa may Casimiro pala siya bababa. Lukaret talaga yun. Tawa ng tawa mag-isa! Pati yung katabi niya lalaki, natatawa na sa kanya eh. Hahahaha. Ako din tumawa. Pero may dahilan! Hmm! :D

Ayun. So andito na ako. Pagod na pagod. Manonood siguro ako ng t.v. pagkatapos. Medyo sad din ako kasi may sakit ang aking mama. May suspected appendicitis siya. Hay. Ayaw ngang magpa-confine eh. Tigas ng ulooooo! Hay. Sana naman wag lumala. :( Iiyak talaga ako pag may nanyari sa mami ko. Love ko si mami eh. :( Hay.

Bukas pala may aattendan ako na lecture/seminar sa school. Sponsored ata ng MKule yun... Hay. Sana makapunta ako. Seminar yun for formal and creative writing. So kung matuloy ako 9 - 4 akong asa school tas yun. Hay. Baka sa sunday na ako makapanood ng Goal. :(

Yun muna. Kiss kiss! Mwah!

*Yak, alam niyo bang may Club Mwah? Hahaha.*
*Dec. 15 - Oblation Run sa Diliman, Venue: Academic Oval*

Trip to the doctor

I'm supposed to go the health service to get my eyes checked. Ugh. I need prescriptions na para makabili ako ng contacts. Tas malay niyo nag-improve na pala ang aking 100-300 vision. Hehe. But I'm so lazy pa to take a bath and go to Manila. Uhhhh. I need to meet Ma'am Rags (our ever kulit na thesis adviser) at 1 pm for our "consultation." Wahhhh. I hope she read our thesis proposal na and made some changes na para maayos na namin. :)

Ayun. Tas what else? My mom's really curious about my blog. She wants to read it daw. Nooo! Even if my blogsite is sooo open for everybody's pleasure, it's not to them (my parents!)!!! *Shrieks and faints* There are some things in my life which I really want to keep as a secret. Duh, if she finds out that her unica hija is demented, she might consider bringing me to some shrink. Uhhh. That's not cool. Haha. Besides, I am not harbouring any dark secrets like plans in taking over the world or killing all of 'em! Cuz that's plain sick. :)

Yun. :) Ughhh... I really need to go na. My mom's at my room. I dunno what she's doing there... Uh-ohh...

Am I too conservative for my age?

I read this blog a while ago, link siya bale from cybill's taggie, tas after I read it, insip ko if I'm too conservative for my age. No offense to the author of that blog, but when I was 13 years old (if that's her real age) I don't have a formal boyfriend (duh, I still don't have one 6 years later. Haha) and I don't go on dates that time. I was in Grade 6 ata nun, and hell, make-ups and boys never crossed my mind back then. I was pre-occupied by hmm... lemme think.. Kiddie stuffs like cartoons, friends and studies.

I had my first boyfriend when I was in highschool. But back then, we don't go out much. Duh? Ano un? Eh he lives far far away from me. He was like 3rd year college na ata sa UPLB! Tas I was only 15 that time!! My mom would kill me if I go there always. Gaaaahh!

I'm 19 years old na and official snog count = secret, official full mounty count = 0 (and I'm goddamn proud of it), official ex's = 4. I still think of kiddie stuffs. I still love watching cartoons! I still let my mom bunk with me and when it comes to relationships I still stink! (yebah!) Maybe it's because I haven't found the right one yet.

But who's the right one nga ba?

I thought of it na. I don't mean to impose pero if ever I have the chance to choose eto ung mga requirements:

1. Dapat mahal ako. (But of course, alanganan namang ako lang!)

2. Physically: Clean, neat and sweet-smelling. I don't like long haired men with unshaved beard cuz I ain't lookin for a rabbi. He doesn't have to be so good-looking for their kind have this tendency to play with my feelings. What I want is a decent-looking guy. Nice hair, nice skin and takes a bath at least once everyday.

3. He must be in school if he's within my age range. Tingin mo paano ko siya mapapakilala sa parents ko kung di siya nag-aaral or at least working if he's.. you know.. older than me?

4. Must be loyal and stick to one. Duh? Di naman ako kukuha ng bato na ipukpok ko sa ulo ko no?

5. Must be nice to kids. Because I love kids, dapat siya din. Tas syempre, what if kami yung magkatuluyan tas ayaw niya sa bata, malaking problema yun!

6. Must come from a nice family. Nice ang family ko so dapat nice din yung kanya. Syempre, gusto ko kilala ako ng family niya para formal.

7. Must be nice. Not too nice, pero yung tama lang. Sweet, caring saka understanding. I'm a sucker for sweet guys eh. I want someone who's gonna hold my hand when the going gets tough, someone who's gonna be there lagi. Someone who's not afraid to tell all his friends na: "Hei guys! Si Abi... Girlfriend ko." Hay.

8. Uhh.. Ano pa ba? Responsible. Ayun. Syempre. Ayoko ng batugan! Hehehehe.. :)

9. And lastly, dapat masaya siyang kasama. Alangan namang ako lang yung tumatawa, hindi ba nakakatakot yun?? Baka isipin ng mga tao baliw ako. Tsk tsk!

Iyon. Babaw ba? Or too perfect? I don't know. But if ever I will be in another relationship... Siguro, sobrang bigay na lahat (except katawan). By that time, I'm fully prepared to face the battle. I'm much more emotionally mature. Kaya nga hibernation mode muna ako sa love eh dahil indi pa ko handa. Paano ko nasabi na indi pa ako ready?? I'm still suffering from poor self-image, meaning, I still think that I'm not good for anyone!

With my world right now, hell! Lahat sila may boyfriend (and I mean pati lalaki, boyfriend din! hahahaha. shit. except for justin. hehe. sori.). Pero I don't care! Why would I push myself to commit kung di ko kaya di ba? For as long as I'm enjoying my life, there's nothing wrong with it. Kahit pa may malaking void sa puso ko, so what? I don't even notice that black hole there.

I guess you're gonna ask me: "Aren't you afraid na magtuloy-tuloy yan at baka maging old maid ka?" Oh no, i'm not afraid. At this point, I'm open to any possiblity. Besides, i'm only 19! Hell! I should be much worried with graduation, thesis, movies to watch, and clothes to wear! Yep. God has a plan for everyone of us. Of course, I'll wait, pero kung andyan yung opportunity di ba? Tama ba?

Ayun. I should be thankful pa nga sa mga friends ko na may boyfriends and girlfriends eh. Ala. Nakikita ko sa mga relationships nila kung ano yung dapat kong gawin and what to expect. Lab rats ko sila eh. Nah. I'm happy for all of them dahil yun yung happiness na binigay sa kanila ni Lord. At sa akin?

What are the things that make me happy?

Of course my totally dysfunctional hippie family, my lovestruck committed friends and of course, my bed.

:) Let's celebrate happiness my dear readers. Ako kahit patong patong na yung problems ko, I still believe that they'll all be solved in God's mercy. Hay. :)

Himala!

Hay. I'm still thinking ano kaya yung itetext sa akin ni judith? Duhhhh. Kinakabahan ako ah. Tas I tried calling her tas patay naman yung cell niya. I hope it's not tooooo serious. Sana may favor siyang hihingin. :) I can take favors but not bad news. Baka naman magpapakuha siya sa akin ng form for application for graduation. Hmm. Yung akin nga ma-fill up na. Shit. I just remembered. Ala pa akong ID picture! Tsk tsk. I need to file it up na kasi Friday yung deadline! Tsk tsk, napaka-DQ ko talaga! Bukas talaga after Animal physio lab magpapapicture ako.

Ayun. Tas may special message pala ako for someone.

Ui. Pasok ka na tomorrow. :) I don't know kung may problem ka tas ayaw mong sabihin sa akin. Ayun. Basta if ever you need someone na iyakan (??) at sabihan ng problema, dito lang ako. What are friends por fabor? Haha.

Ayan. Sabi ko dapat ndi ako tatawa for one week eh. Ayun.

Baka pala may kakilala kayo sa Dasma (Cavite) na nangangailangan ng townhouse na uupahan. Meron kasi kaming vacant. Super lapit sa palengke, sa DLSU-Dasma (yung med) saka sa hospital. If anyone's interested, please leave a message and contact number, if possible. :)

This advertisment is powered by: FEDERASYON ng mga UNYON ng ALILA ng KANILANG mga MAGULANG.

For some reason na-realize ko na ang Unyon at Alila ay di puwedeng pagsamahin.... o.-

Change

Feel ko ang magbago.

On a trial basis.
Susubukan kong wag tumawa.
Serious mode for a week.

Tsk tsk

It's 7 am on my clock and it's freaking cold outside.
Napilitan tuloy akong mag-jimjams (pyjamas) last night.
What's up with our weather?
Noong isang linggo, puwedeng magprito ng itlog sa kalye...
Tas ngayon kulang na lang mag-fur coat ako papunta sa bilihan ng tinapay.

Siguro kasi malapit ng mag-christmas.
Yay. Hahaha.

Christmas.
Hmm..

Will the Philippines have the same traditional Noche Buena?
O dahil sa hirap ng buhay, we'll be forced to eat champorado (like Hero Angeles) and
No Ham, Quezo de Bola, kakanin and stuff? (And by we, I mean the majority of the Filipinos).

Inflation rates, political crisis, EVAT.. Ugh.
Eto ba ang regalo sa atin ng ating government?

Sabi nga nila, what matters most eh magkakasama kayo ng mga mahal mo sa buhay.

Duh??

Paano mo makakasama kung ang parents mo ay forced na magtrabaho sa ibang bansa dahil sa
Kakulangan ng mga job offers dito sa atin.

Ugh.

May pasko pa nga kayang nag-iintay sa atin??

Punyeta. Basta, may handa man o wala...
Ang mahalaga....

Malamig!

Wahahaha!

MCATs

Here in the Philippines, aspiring med students need to take NMAT or the National Medical Achievement's Test.

I took one na last year. And my grade is ok naman with the schools that I chose to apply, except for PLM na nag-aask sa students to take the MCATs or Medical College Admissions Test. I want to go to PLM sana kaya I need to take one. Buti na lang, alang need for me to go to Singapore to take one dahil nag-aadminister daw ang PLM ng MCATs. FYI, ang MCATs ay hindi normally na inaadminister dito sa Pinas. The closest country nagbibigay nung test na yun ay SIngapore. Hay.

So what's my point here? After magpaprint ng mga application forms for med school, mag-aaral na ako for MCATs. Sobrang career talaga. I really want to go to PLM. Hay.

Next. I checked College.com website for schools sa USA kung anu-ano yung mga schools sa kanila yung nag-ooffer ng med. So tempting. Tiningnan ko yung sa Brown, Aurburn, Harvard (Shucks) tas nalungkot lang ako. Hay. If I could have a financial aid, I'd love to study med abroad. Hay. Where will I find $2820 or $22 thou +? Grabe. Kung tumama ako sa lotto, mag-aaply talaga ako. Di baleng maubos lahat yung prize money sa pag-aaral. Hay.

Hay. I really would love to study med. Super dream na matawag akong Dr. Abi. I'm gonna do everything just to be one. (That's the spirit gurl! Yeah!) I'm so determined to do what I can to reach my dreams. Hay.

Hay ulit

Ang alam ko lang...

Inaantok pa ako.

Mag-away na kayong lahat.

Basta ako.

Matutulog!

Hay

M still waiting for my thesis partner's email so blog muna ako.

M happy for most of my friends.

Hay.
For some reason, I don't want to be in a relationship.
There are lots and lots of people falling in love everyday.
I mean, look around you.

Mushy thoughts.
Holding hands.
Boquets, gifts.

I should be inspired.
Be jealous of 'em.
And be in a freakin' relationship immediately.

Pero hindi eh.
It scares the hell out of me.

Ewan ko.
I'm afraid that i'll be the same person.
Someone who's afraid to give it all.

Hay.
I really don't know.

I'd rather be alone muna.
Than be with someone na di ko naman mapapangatawanan.

Hay.
I feel so numb.
As in.

I'm not hurt.
No.
Devoid of feelings ako.

Pati yung love ko para kay ex...
Naglaho.
I don't care kung magkamali siyang magtext at sendan ako ng love you.

I've been exposed to many people na inlove.
Too much... Loovvve.... Ugghh......

Commitment....
Uggggggggggh.

What's wrong with meeeeeee. Hay.
The magic's gone.

TOXIC

Uber toxic.

I need to do the following stuffs:

1. File all pending application forms to med schools
2. File application for graduation
3. Thesis! (No need to elaborate)
4. Thesis Updates for MSI (Seriously... They are so sooo demanding)
5. Animal physio! (I need to get 1.0!)

I am so tired thinking of stuffs that I need to do.
Better start 'em all. Allllllllllll........ I wanna screeeeeeeaaaaaaaaammmmmmm!

Bullllshittt!

NO TIME for anything else.

Uber uber uber toxic.

hmp

titiisin kita.

loko ka.
mamimiss mo din ako!

Answer to cy

Hey.

Yeah, I am mushy.
But the guy I love is blind.
I failed to make him see na mahal ko siya.

Am beginning to think and feel na...

Am all out of love for him.
:(

Nakakapagod magmahal.

Erratum

See 2 posts down.

I'm sorry. Maraming namamatay sa maling akala.
Y k'now what I mean.

Another error committed - the time.
I better fix it.

Ugh. I want to get my Pedro Almodovar DVD from abi na.
Not me abi. Abi ciscar.

huhu.. I really wana watch it again.
I watched Nurse Klivia last time on cable.

am soo lucky.
Rare atang mgpalabas yung channel 42 ng french film.

yifee.

Uhh what else?
I just sneezed.

:)

Uh-yeah. I bought Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason yesterday
when I was in dasma para magsubmit ng application sa dlsu

You know how much ko lang nabili?
110 pesoseseses.

Beat that bargain!
Mint condition, no page missing.

I just make hikab.
Ano ngang english sa hikab?

I forgot.
There. Another hikab.

Ala pa ko masyadong sleep.
I kept justin awake yester-night hanggang 2 am sa byahe.

We just talked damn it.
We were so bangag na on the later part tas tawa na kami ng tawa

The reason?
His dad and my hippie parents.

Sinabihan ko nga siya: "You're looking at yourself 10 years from now."
D-O-O-M for him, noooooooooooo!

We slept at around 2ish am na.
Ganun ang normal time ng pagtulog namin pag di kami magkaaway.

Hay. I'm missing him. :(
Maybe he still likes me. He made some errors at nasasabi sa akin yung love you so much.

Force of habit siguro.
Everytime we talked before, laging may love you, mahal kita or love love you.

What if you're given another chance to be with him..
What would you do abi?
Would you go back?

(long pause)

Let's just cross the bridge when we get there.

Ang alam ko, i'm having fun talking about stuffs with him.
May mga bagay akong nalalaman about him.
Tas ganun din siya sa akin.

Bahala na si God sa amin.
If we're gonna be happy as friends, so be it.
I just don't want to think na magiging kami ulit.

For the nth time, kahit nahihirapan ako, kinakaya ko.
Kahit gusto ko ng sabihin na: Baby ko.. mwah mwah. love you baby ko. hug baby...
tangna. kinakalimutan ko na yun.

Ugh

Vellie vellie tired...

Will talk tomorrow.

Ugh

I tried being nice.
I tried being friends with you.
Damn.

And this is how you repay my friendship ha?
By forwarding every message to her?

Tangna.
This means war in any fucking language.

I never told that ur girl stole you from me!
There's a big difference between tinaboy and inagaw!

Bullshittttttt!
Di ako bitch!
Puta talaga.

Magsama kayo.

Di ko kailangan ng panggulo sa buhay ko.

Hay

Hay...

Bit by bit I'm starting to recover from last week's mumbo-jumbo. I stopped blaming myself and I'm finally beginning to 'ccept na we're cut out as friends na lang.

So much for my once again, non-existent love life, wheell. Balik school na naman ako. Puta talaga dahil monday-thursday-wednesday at tuesday lang ang pasok ko.
So? Ang masaklap eh 4-5:30 lang ung monday - thursday ko! Isipin mo ang pagod sa utak kung ano yung gagawin ko the whole day! Pag natapos pa yung thesis work
sa Diliman, mas lalo na! Hay.

Ayun.

So far, ala naman C-O-O-L na nangyayari sa akin today. Boring. Tamad. Di siguro ako papasok mamya. Puta. Sayang pamasahe, e di pa naman official na start yung class.
Tas bibili pa ako ng libro. Echart ata yung kelangan for Animal physio. Ughh..... Physio. Ugh.

Kainis, ayokong ibayad sa bill ko yung pera na bigay ng Dad ko. Pakshet na Sun kasi yan eh. Gusto ko pa namang manood ng sine at bumili ng contact lens. Pakshet talaga yang Sun.
Pakshet. Pakshet. Buti pa ang Globe may unlimited.

Foerever na nga akong Globe unlimitied. Forever na nagtetext ng txtnonstop25 sa 2870. Hahaha. Sulit eh. Lahat ng ka-text ko eh puro Globe. Hay. kaya lagi akong puyat eh.
Sanay na naman ako eh. Wahahaha.

Sana umuwi na yung parents ko. Gusto kong manood ng sine. Gusto kong panoorin yung Chicken Little sa ATC. Wahaha. Maghanap ka na kasi ng boyfriend, abi. Araw-araw may susundo
sa yo, may mag-I iloveyou, may mag-aalala. Hay! Di muna siguro ngayon. Taena. Kagagaling ko nga lang sa iyakan blues eh. Saka na pag ready na ulit ang puso ko.

Ayun.

Tas, ok na pala kme ni ahem-ahem. We're friends na. As in friends na lang talaga, no strings attached, no feelings involved and no bitterness sa aking part. Parang Lucas-Haley ng One Tree
Hill. Kaso nga lang ndi ako kinasal gaya ni Haley. Duh? Ala naman akong "Nathan" na boyfriend e. Haha. :)

Well at least that's ovah... :)

Yup

After posting that post, I'm feeling a wee bit better.
It's like having a strong medicine that you really don't like but you need to take it dahil it'll make you feel better.
Plus, I have a fool-proof plan which will make me definitely better.
Be very very busy this last semester.
I'm gonna eat, drink, breathe stress this sem.
Papaka-toxic sa thesis.
Lamay sa exams.
Gimiks on weekends.

You made me vulnerable to pain.

Andami ko ng pinagdaanan.
Mas masakit pa sa pinagdaanan mo.
Mas masakit pa sa pinagdaanan niya.

I'm not gonna surrender on this fight.

I'm going to stay.
Yes. More than forever.
It's going to kill me, I know.
But only to prove to you that i'm stronger than you thought.

I'm rebuilding my shield.
I'm gonna be a new person.
I'll be strong.

Kaya ko to.
Kakayanin ko to.

Sabi ko nga noon:

"Obsession ba ito o true love? Anak ng tokwang nilagay sa pasibol na munggo! Maghihintay na lang ako... Di naman ako selfish eh. Kahit malaman kong may bagong babae sa buhay mo ok lang. Sapat na ang makakilala ako ng tulad mo... Ang maging kaibigan ka at maramdaman ko ang kiligin at mahulog sa patibong ng pag-ibig."

My thoughts

It's exactly four months since you and I parted ways. I should be happy because I triumphed in making you think that I'm a nobody, that you'd be better off with someone better. But why..? Bakit hindi pa din ako masaya? Despite the fact that I led you in finding the right girl, why am I still hurting this bad?

I pushed you as far away as possible. I always made things up so you would be angry at me. Pero alam mo kung ano yung totoo ha?

I didn't love somebody else when we were still together. There was no other guy but you. You were my life, my all, my everything.
I'd sit on the bus and think about you all the time. Reminiscing how you looked, how you smiled and how you laughed. I loved every part of you.
I loved how you look, dahil para sa akin ikaw yung pinakagwapo, walang dapat baguhin, walang dapat pagandahin. You were perfect thw way you are.

And I? I went to school simple. I didn't like dressing up nor being kikay. I didn't like make-up and I was no makati girl. For short, di ako stand-out beauty. I was a normal and ordinary girl who enjoyed simple pleasures in life.

I didn't like going to bars and partying. I enjoyed the solace of my bedroom, devouring every book, magazine, pamphlet there was in my house. I liked looking on the beauty of ordinary life. I would sit for hours in a bus stop, thinking. I didn't make friends with high-end people, instead, old people in buses who talked about life were my companion. Movies were my past time, and pouring my guts (singing in videoke) out in G-box (Robinson's) were the only things I considered as my "social life."

We're different in every way possible. I liked having a simple life. There's beauty in simplicity yun yung asa isip ko. While you enjoyed going out, club hopping, I enjoyed walks in the park and foreign films with english subtitles.

That's why I pushed you away. Nobody likes a girl with a hippie lifestyle. Hindi ka magiging masaya sa akin.

But I was goddamn wrong.

I never thought somebody would take notice of my existence. I was blinded by my insecurities.

And I was never surprised when you found her. She's everything that I'm not! She's rich, fabolous, and have a glamorous lifestyle. She loves going out, shopping, lahat! Unlike me, she expresses her love for you.

So. Despite everything, bakit nasasaktan pa din ako? Due to regrets maybe.

That if I had just believed that you loved me for who I am, sana...

We'd still be sharing this one sunny day together doing nothing but saying sweet nothings to each other. Watching MTV and laugh at jologs and corny programs. I'd be having dinner at your house, and we'll be spending time with your family and mine on weekends. We're gonna hear mass together. Hold hands. Kiss. Hindi kailangan gumastos. Just be with each other.

Endless thoughts. I'd be spending my whole life wondering. It's enough punishment for me to be in a whirlwind of confusing emotions and forever playback of what if, what if, what if....

I love you so much.

And I may not love somebody for a while.

I am so numb.

Devoid of feelings.

=======================

You asked me: "Wat if I die?"

You know what I'll feel?

One Sweet Day.......

Asar-talo na naman si Abi

Badtrip ka! Panget! Kilala mo kung sino ka! Hmmmmp! Paaaanget!

Random thoughts...

I hate being emotionally attached with somebody tas hindi man lang ma-reciprocate 'yung feeling. Kainis!!!!!!!!!!!!! Erg.

Shake it off abi.

Bakit naman kasi siya pa ang minahal mo?

Bakitttttttt?!!!!!!

Tanga tanga mo talaga.

Madami naman ibang guys dyan.

Bakit yun pang desperado? Yung in-denial na mahal pa din niya yung gf niya?

Bakit siyaaaa paaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Potah.

Uh-oh.

This means one thing: I am longing for a serious commitment with him!

Are you losing your touch abi?

This can't be true!

Ay caramba!!!!

Lord, deliver me from evil.

3 days bago bumalik yung girl from Hongkong.

Doon mo malalaman kung ano ka ba talaga sa kanya.

Friend or someone else?

Pottttttaaaaaaa.

Pano kung friend ka lang?

Di ko alam!!!!!

Ayoko ng isipin.

Ang mahalaga...

May 3 days pa kaming dalawa.

Hay.

Kung friend nga lang ako... Siguradong balik lahat sa dati.

Di na naman ako maalala.

Maghanap ka na kasi ng iba eh.

Ayoko!!!!!!

Tang 'nang love.

Pinaglalaruan ako.

Malay mo naman abi.

May November 23 pa....

Baka sakaling maagaw mo pa abi!

Ang sama-sama kooooooooo

Eh siya naman yung excited eh.

Ibig sabihin gusto niya din ako!

Hay.

Bahala na si Lord.

Alam naman niya kung ano yung tama eh.

DI ba??

-Fin-

(Schizo mode si abi.)