hay

for some reason..

Even if I did graduate yesterday. Even if I did my very best to march with my batchmates. Somehow, I can see that it was not enough for my parents (especially my dad). Sure I saw that they were happy but not that happy. Oh no. I'm not imagining things here. It's true. How true?

This afternoon while browsing the merchandise in duty free, I casually mentioned my plan of going to states at my final year of med proper to my dad (I was inspired by kuya ronnie to take up my internship outside the country). You know what he told me? "Gusto mo palang mag-abroad, bakit hindi ka na lang nag-nursing?" Shit. It's that fucking nursing thing again (excuse me to those who wants to become a nurse). Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na gusto kong maging duktor! Ayokong maging nurse! At punyeta.. Graduate na nga ako ng bio eh! Let it go na! Shit shit shit!!

Hay. I'm so pissed off. I've got one thing to say to all of them: Pera niyo lang ang ginamit ko para makatapos. Hindi niyo alam kung ilang balde ng luha ang nilabas ng mata ko sa tuwing hirap na hirap na ako. Hindi niyo alam kung ano ang dinanas ko para lang makagraduate. Hindi niyo alam kung ano'ng nangyari sa akin. Hindi niyo alam.. Kaya wag kayong mag-comment dahil wala kayong alam kung paano ko ginapang yung sarili ko makatapos lang. Maging masaya na lang kayo para sa akin. Ito yung buhay na pinili ko. Wag niyo na akong pilitin na mag-nursing dahil punyeta. Kahit anong pilit niyo sa akin.. Hindi ko isasakripisyo ang kaligayahan ko para lang mapasaya ko kayo.

Hay.

I'm really sad. And so frustrated...