I was lying on my bed a while ago. I was kinda having my sentimental moments. I just can't help it, the weather's very fine and I was listening to Enya's Only Time. While the music was playing I remembered the move "Sweet November." (FYI: Only Time was part of the movie's soundtrack). And in an instant, I remembered myself crying inside April's car. I think it happened last year? We were on our way home na (April's gonna drop me at Sta. Cruz), I was really depressed that time so I had no control of my emotions. It was about my love-life.
Wait.
Pause.
Bakit ko naalala yung pag-iyak ko noong narinig ko yung Only Time?
To those who watched Sweet November, siguro alam niyong hindi "happy" ending 'yung film. The girl didn't grab the opportunity. Opportunity of having somebody who would take care of her (di ba may sakit s'ya) and love her. Sabihin na nating natakot siya. Natakot siyang masaktan si Keannu Reeves dahil mamatay din siya. Na ayaw niyang kaawaan siya.
In a way, I could relate to the girl. Isa akong malaking DUWAG. First time kong aaminin. Gusto ko pag pumasok sa isang relationship, walang sablay. Lahat perfect. Kaya for the past relationships that I had (as if madami eh no?), hindi buo 'yung nabibigay ko. Laging may pag-aalinlangan. Laging may dahilan. Lagi akong may nililihim.
Tas ako din ang iiyak-iyak kapag nagsawa na sa kakahintay sa akin 'yung tao. Ang hirap dahil ako 'yung may mali. Ang hirap dahil hindi ko magawang magbago. Ang hirap kasi kahit gustong-gusto ko ng magmahal, pinipigilan ko dahil natatakot akong masaktan. It doesn't make sense di ba? Ayaw kong masaktan pero sa ginagawa ko, sa bandang huli, ako din 'yung nasasaktan.
Ang hirap. Pero kahit paunti-unti natututo at sinusubukan kong magbago.
Pero
Sana...
Sana lang...
Hindi pa huli ang lahat.
Mahintay mo pa sana ako.
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